Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
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I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
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One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.