Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia