The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.