If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.