he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
