They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
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Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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