She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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