youre lurking in front of me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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