ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
