Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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