I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
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So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
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