We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
