im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
