i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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