She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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