Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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