Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
