That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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