can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
