Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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