She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
