girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
