she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
