do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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