I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
