dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
