Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The best revenge is premature balding
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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