Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
