I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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