i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
