so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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