Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
