He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
