Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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