oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
