I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
