Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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