And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do vagina's smell?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
