I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
