Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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