well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
