We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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