One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
