i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
