apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
