never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
