so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
