i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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