i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
