After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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