Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
