The maid of honor just puked.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
