i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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