the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
