so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
