she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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