ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
