Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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