just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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