Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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