The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
