Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish my penis had an off switch
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
