apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
