You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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