i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
