so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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