I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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