I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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