saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
