I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize