I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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