he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
