I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I need to align my fucking chakras
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
