Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
