they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
